The Conversations You’re Avoiding That Will Cost Your Family Thousands

Talking about wills, inheritances, long-term care, powers of attorney and other estate planning matters can feel pleasant. Because of that, many people put these discussions off. They often say they’ll wait until the time is right. Unfortunately for far too many people, the “right time” never comes. They ultimately end up waiting until it’s too late.

 

Parents are often afraid that talking to their children about who gets what when they’re gone will cause tension and hurt feelings. Adult children tend to fear that asking their aging parents about their final wishes will make them look greedy or seem as though they’re trying to speed up the process. As a result, they simply avoid the topic altogether.

 

Those conversations you’re evading can be far more costly than you might realize. Not having them can result in the destruction of family relationships and tearing down of legacies people spent decades building to pass on to their loved ones. You never known what tomorrow may have in store. If you don’t discuss those uncomfortable topics now, you may never get the chance.

 

Talking to Aging Parents About Estate Planning

 

Discussing estate planning with aging parents is one of the most difficult undertakings for families. You don’t want to overstep, and you certainly don’t want your parents to think you’re wishing for the worst. Moreover, you don’t really want to think about anything bad happening to the people who’ve protected and taken care of you your entire life.

 

At the same time, many parents hesitate to talk about topics like the transfer of their assets at death. Some worry that they’ll create rifts between their children. Others are a bit superstitious and worry that discussing their final wishes aloud will somehow bring on their death prematurely.

 

Whatever their fears or mental blocks may be, they try to change the subject. They may even completely shut down when their children start asking questions about wills, inheritances, funeral arrangements, and other difficult topics. Just as tough is deciding when and how to even bring up the topic with your loved ones.

 

How Much Will Avoiding Those Conversation Cost You?

 

Although those are uncomfortable conversations, they’re necessary. If your parents don’t have a clear plan in place, their oversight could cost you tens of thousands of dollars. Without a well-drafted will, probate costs can range from $10,000 to $50,000 dollars at minimum. Furthermore, the probate process can stretch on for months or even years if unanswered questions or fighting amongst family members are involved.

 

If your siblings and other relatives aren’t in agreement over inheritance shares or how your parents’ estate is handled after they pass, court costs and other costs of administration could end up being much higher. Families have lost hundreds of thousands simply because no one knew what mom and dad wanted. Additionally, these situations can result in the lifelong toll of emotional uncertainty and strained relationships.

 

How to Start the Conversation

 

If you’re struggling to approach your parents about estate planning, or they’re balking every time you try, it may help to start with simple questions like: “Dad, do you have a will?” “Mom, dad, do you have life insurance policies?” “Who’s your attorney?”

 

Questions like those may not give you a great deal of insight into your parents’ end-of-life plans, but they may be enough to break the ice. It’s likely best to approach the topic from the standpoint of protecting them and honoring their wishes rather than jumping directly into what you’ll inherit from them.

 

Important Questions to Ask

 

We’ve already touched on asking about a will. If they have wills, ask how long it has been since they updated them. Life changes like a divorce, the passing of an heir, the birth or adoption of new children or grandchildren, and the acquisition of new assets can render an older will outdated. It’s important to keep estate planning documents current so that they accurately reflect a person’s wishes. From there, several other questions need to be asked.

 

Where Are Your Important Documents?

 

You’d be surprised how many families have ended up in turmoil and financial strain because no one knew where mom and dad kept their wills, life insurance policies, house deeds, and bank account information. Encourage your parents to make a list of essential documents and where to find them for you. Their attorney will most likely have a list of them as well, which is a reason why knowing who’s handling their estate planning is essential.

 

Have You Thought About Long-Term Care?

 

Several long-term care options are currently available. Each one is designed to provide a different level of assistance, medical support, and independence. They can all be costly. Talk to your parents about their wishes on this matter. Find out if they already have a plan in place for covering the cost, whether it’s insurance, Medicare, a separate bank account, or a combination of those things.

 

What Are Your Final Wishes?

 

Final wishes are another common point of contention among families. Ask your parents whether they want to be buried or cremated. What type of ceremony or memorial service do they want? Have they already made their own funeral arrangements? If so, do they have them in writing so you can draw from them when the need arises? Knowing what they want ahead of time will save your family a great deal of uncertainty, stress, and money.

 

Discussing Estate Planning With Adult Children

 

If you’re like many people, thinking about your own death or the loss of your mental faculties isn’t easy. Talking to your children about those things is even more difficult. You may worry that telling them what they’ll inherit will give them a sense of entitlement or leave one of your children feeling slighted. Still, if you don’t talk to them, what you don’t say could likely cause even more problems.

 

You can’t expect your children to inherently know what your final wishes are. In some cases, parents can’t depend on their children to carry out their final wishes even if they’ve already expressed them verbally. Additionally, you can’t count on the courts to distribute your assets among your heirs in the way you would want.

 

If you don’t plan ahead and ensure everyone involved knows your wishes, your estate could be tied up in probate for months or even years. In the meantime, your family could be left struggling emotionally and financially. Court costs and other expenses of administering your estate may also eat into the financial security you intend to provide for your family after you’re gone.

 

With all of this in mind, having a clear, written, and legally binding plan in place is essential. An estate planning attorney in Texas can help you do just that. It’s equally crucial to be sure your family knows your plans and wishes. These measures can save your family endless grief and a great deal of money in several ways.

 

How Do You Talk to Adult Children About Inheritances?

 

Discussing inheritance is the most difficult aspect of estate planning for many parents, especially if they have more than one heir to consider. No doubt, you love all your children equally, and you want to leave each one their fair share of your assets at your death. In some cases, though, dividing everything equally isn’t practical or even possible.

 

Sometimes, it’s easier to speak with each heir individually. Then, you can gather everyone together for a group conversation. You don’t necessarily need to share exact dollar amounts if doing so makes you uncomfortable. You can start with a general overview. At some point, though, you may need to address the smaller details.

 

If you’re not dividing your assets equally among your loved ones, you may want to explain why. Consider keeping the discussion geared toward circumstances rather than moral character to prevent arguments.

 

Discussing your wishes regarding items with sentimental value is also important. Those belongings often cause more arguments among family than money. Explain to your children why one of them gets grandma’s hand-knitted afghan and collection of antique figurines while the other gets mom’s wedding ring and another gets dad’s classic car.

 

These things may cause hurt feelings initially but discussing them prior to your death can help prevent endless confusion and fighting when the time comes for your heirs to receive their inheritances. While you’re telling everyone who gets what, you might also discuss the meanings behind certain personal belongings and remind your children of their emotional connections to them. That alone can go a long way toward easing tension and putting a more positive light on the situation.

 

Other Points to Cover

 

Once you talk to your family about your final wishes regarding the division of your assets at your death, you’ll have the hardest part out of the way. Everything else may come much easier. At this point, you need to cover several other important factors with them.

 

Long-Term Care Plans

 

For one, be sure your children understand what you want to happen if you’re unable to make decisions about your living situation on your own. Do you want to stay at home for as long as possible, or move to a nursing home? Maybe you’d rather opt for a compromise between the two. If your children don’t know which you prefer, the decisions they make may not carry out your wishes and may eat into their eventual inheritances.

 

Imagine you want to move to a nursing home to ease the burden on your children and save money. If they don’t know your wishes in advance, they might feel guilty about taking you out of your home and choose in-home care for you instead. Depending on several factors, that can cost up to twice as much.

 

Additionally, if you already have plans in place to cover the costs of care, be sure your children understand that. Otherwise, they might end up paying for it out of their own pockets, which could cause them serious financial hardship.

 

Executor of Your Estate

 

You also need to tell your children who will handle administering your estate at your death. If you chose one of them, explain the reasons for your decision. In the event you want them to work together as executors, be sure you have a plan in place in your will for dividing responsibilities and how disputes should be resolved. Go over those points with your children as well.

 

Healthcare Power of Attorney and Medical Directives

 

Your children also need to know who will be responsible for making healthcare decisions on your behalf if you can’t, and what your wishes are in this respect. Don’t leave your children with the burden of making those decisions for you or fighting in court over who will bear that responsibility. Let them know in advance whether you want to be kept on life support if the need arises. Tell them whether you want to spend your final days at home or in hospice care.

 

Families have spent tens of thousands of dollars or more in court battling over decisions like those. Even worse, it can cost relationships. Making those decisions for yourself now while you are able and sharing them with your children can help avoid costly litigation in the future. Create a plan your loved ones can refer to when needed through documents like a Healthcare Power of Attorney and a Directive to Physicians, and there likely won’t be arguments over what should happen next. 

 

Disposition of Your Remains

 

Talk to your family about your final wishes as well. Do you prefer to be cremated or buried? Do you prefer your body be donated for scientific study and research? What type of ceremony or memorial service do you want? When your children are grieving over losing you, making decisions like these can be incredibly painful, especially if they’re unsure what you would’ve been happy with.

 

There’s also a financial factor to consider. Funerals can cost anywhere from a few thousand dollars to tens of thousands. If you don’t want an elaborate affair, there’s no reason for your family to spend more than necessary.

 

If your family doesn’t know want you want, they may choose the most expensive casket and services out of guilt or a sense of obligation. One of your children may want to go all out, while another child may want to keep things more reserved and simpler. This is another element that can cause financial and emotional turmoil within families. It can easily be avoided if you express your wishes in advance through an Appointment of Agent for Disposition of Remains document.

 

Where to Find Your Important Documents

 

Finally, be sure your children know where your important documents like insurance policies, deeds, car titles, your will and other estate planning documents, and bank account information are stored. Many families have spent large amounts of time tearing houses apart searching for documents like these after losing their parents. They’ve also spent hours making phone calls trying to find out where they might be or who’s handling them, to no avail.

 

Create a list detailing your assets and where to find them, and store that list in a secure location, preferably in the same place you store your will and other estate planning documents. Also consider sharing a copy of that list with the person or persons who will serve as your executor. That’ll save your family a great deal of grief and frustration. It’ll also ensure they’re able to benefit from all the measures you’ve taken to build a secure future for them.

 

Navigating the Complexities of Blended Families

 

Blended families are growing ever more common. If you’re part of one, though, estate planning can be particularly tricky. You likely want to take care of your new spouse and perhaps your stepchildren, but you also want to protect your biological children’s inheritances. Of course, your blood relatives may not want your new spouse and stepchildren to get any of your estate. No matter how well you plan, someone is bound to be hurt or angry.

 

Even if everyone in your family gets along well, these factors can make for a minefield. Probate battles in blended families are among the most explosive and expensive the courts deal with. If you don’t have a clear, current, legally binding plan in place, your loved ones may not get what you intended for them to receive at your death. It’s not unheard of for new spouses and their children to end up with nothing, or for stepfamilies to take far more than what the family believes should be theirs.

 

Disinheritances

 

Disinheriting someone can cause a great deal of animosity. If you’ve decided to take someone out of your will, be sure to meet with an estate planning attorney to update it accordingly and tell your family about your decision. That will help ensure your wishes are carried out properly.

 

Also consider discussing your decision with the person who’s directly affected. Telling them they’re not going to receive what they might be expecting when you pass will be difficult, but they will find out eventually. It may be better to hear it from you now so they know what’s coming, than to find out during the probate of your will or from another family member.

 

Protecting Your Family’s Future

 

Discussing inheritances, your final wishes, and other end-of-life matters can certainly be awkward and even frightening. Far too many people put off these conversations until it’s too late to have them. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, so it’s best to prepare now.

 

Work with an estate planning attorney to get a plan in place and cover all the bases. From there, be sure to talk to your family about your plans and wishes. Facing the challenge head on will save your family thousands of dollars and endless heartache in the long run.

 

Disclaimer:

Ruelas Andino Law, PLLC makes no claims as to the accuracy of the information contained within the external links in this blog article nor does it endorse any of the businesses contained in the links. Information contained in this blog is for informational purposes only and may not be construed as legal advice.